Consent 101: Everyone Should See this.
Trigger warning: Some discussion of sexual assault.
(this part is specifically discussing why no one should feel ”anti-feminist” for their fantasies, because pro-sex feminism/see above)
I’m 25: Shouldn’t I Have Been Ready for Sex?
I am 25. I am a virgin. I went on this date with this guy. We were trying to have sex. He didn’t put his penis inside of me. I was in pain. I panicked. I told him , I am not ready. I don’t know him very well. I did not want to sleep with him. I was freaked out. He told me, you are 25. You should be ready. My friend told me to purchase a vibrator that will help me be more comfortable with sex. Do you think I need more foreplay? Is there something wrong with me? Is there a way I can make the experience better for me?
Heather Corinna replies:
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you. But, boy howdy, does it sound like plenty was wrong with this situation.
You did not WANT to engage in sex with this person.
You were also clear that you didn’t feel ready to have sex with this person once it was obvious to you that you felt that way.
The right response to that from him should’ve been something like, “Oh, okay, let’s stop any of this, then. Do you still want to hang out some more tonight, or would you like me to go and give you some space? Are you okay? Is there anything I can get for you or do for you if you’re not?”
NOT, “You are 25, you should be ready.” UGH.